The Highs and Lows of a Year in France

After starts and stops, and years of hard work and fatigue, we moved to France exactly one year ago today. The plane arrived on 16 August 2023 on a very hot day in Lyon. Acclimated to cool, foggy San Francisco summer weather and getting hit with the heat, we were relieved yet worried about getting safely to my belle-mère’s house with our two exhausted cats, Toby and Summer. The air conditioning in the car didn’t seem to do a thing and just over an hour later, the cats stepped into an enclosed kitty paradise of trees, flowers, bushes, and a lovely vegetable garden. It was helpful to have a family home to rest and get our bearings for the next few weeks, while we found our own place to live.

The next few weeks were a rush of wonderment for me, taking in the thought that I wouldn’t have to be packing up in a few weeks to return to the USA. A lot has transpired over the past year. I never held any unrealistic belief that France was going to be the answer to all our woes, but the things that I had hoped for really are an improvement. We now have a social life and I spend much more time with my husband than I did over the past 17 years. We have a variety of historic places to visit and delicious food doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. The health insurance is fantastic.

The main difficulties have been for me to find my own friends in a less cosmopolitan environment, and that’s on a social level as well as being able to improve my French. Although Olivier is French, our relationship has always been in English. This affects my ability to fully grasp Le Code de la Route, making it more difficult to keep up with the practice exams after the study videos at the driving school. I can’t fully fault living in the countryside as being a reason to find it less easy to make friends, but my lack of French does set me back. I take comfort in knowing that it won’t always be that way. I am going to start online French classes, which should help me in the language department. The only sure thing in life is change.

I’ve always been fairly introverted, and having a small circle of people around me suits me well. I enjoy going out to socialize and immerse myself in culture, but I also treasure retreating to my own space for peace and quiet. I love dancing and attending parties, but I’m far from being a social butterfly or a party enthusiast—unless dancing is involved! Sometimes, I wish we lived in a more cosmopolitan area where I could connect with other expats, but I truly love the natural surroundings of our current home, which feels cozy and familiar. I often joke that it’s a lifelong struggle for me to choose between the city and the countryside because I love both for different reasons. When my mother was younger, she thrived on the energy and excitement of city life, while my father was always drawn to the peace and simplicity of the countryside, so perhaps I’m a blend of both. Ultimately, I’m grateful for the built-in community of Olivier’s friends and family. I’m happy to take my time and see where this journey leads me.

Of course, where you live impacts the cost of living. Even bakeries tend to be less pricey than, say, the South of France, where it is more touristic. A less sought-after region in France doesn’t necessarily equate to a less desirable place to live. In fact, many of these areas offer unique charm, rich culture, and a quality of life that rivals more popular destinations. These regions often retain a sense of authenticity and tranquility, with picturesque landscapes, unspoiled by mass tourism. Living in such a place can mean enjoying a slower pace of life, closer-knit communities, and the opportunity to immerse yourself in local traditions and customs that might be diluted in more tourist-heavy areas. Additionally, the lower cost of living can afford you a more comfortable lifestyle, with access to fresh, local produce, affordable dining options, and beautiful surroundings without the premium price tag. In many ways, these less sought-after regions can be hidden gems, offering a fulfilling and enriching experience that’s just as desirable as living in France’s more famous locales. It all depends on your own wants and needs.

Other challenges are moving with a teenager, which is something that we had never wished to do but it was the only time we could manage it. Luckily, our daughter went to a French school for many years and speaks fluently. This is a subject that I have held back on sharing, as it concerns my own child, but she agreed to let me share this, as we’re both all for spreading awareness of these types of issues. Here goes: The main challenge – and it’s a large one – is dealing with the French system when your child has ADHD. For anyone considering moving to France who has a child who has ADHD or any issues connected with this, be prepared. France continues to view ADHD primarily as a behavioral issue related to parenting, rather than acknowledging it as a proven neurological condition.

While France offers excellent support systems in areas like insurance and school assistance, navigating the mental healthcare system can be surprisingly challenging. I’m going to be honest and say that face-to-face interactions with mental health professionals can be quite jarring. After joining several groups in France, I’ve found that many parents and professionals agree that the country is decades behind when it comes to mental health, especially compared to neighboring nations that are more progressive in this area. Sadly, I have to agree—getting quality mental healthcare here can be very hit or miss in that particular department. If you find it difficult to access care in the U.S., be prepared that it may be even more challenging in France. Because this subject involves our own child, I’ll keep it brief: what I had painstakingly set up for our daughter in the U.S. completely unraveled here. After a difficult journey, we were fortunate to find a professional who is fluent in English (obviously important for me to fully convey the situation), has years of experience, and takes a forward-thinking approach. We’re cautiously optimistic that things will continue on a positive path.

ADHD has only recently begun to gain broader recognition in France, where understanding of the condition has lagged behind other countries. To address this gap, an organization called HyperSupers TDAH France has emerged as a key player in raising awareness about ADHD (known as TDAH in France). This association is dedicated to spreading knowledge and educating the public, including parents, teachers, and healthcare professionals, about the disorder. Their efforts include advocating for better support systems, promoting accurate diagnoses, and challenging lingering misconceptions about ADHD as merely a behavioral issue rather than a neurological condition.

On a really positive note, our daughter has made some incredibly loyal friends in Lyon. Being a city girl at heart, she connects naturally with people in the city, and they appreciate her for who she is, not just because she’s American. She loves their kindness, style, and sense of humor, but what stands out most to her is their honesty. When she asks how something looks on her, she knows she can count on a genuine and thoughtful response. She’s noticed that, generally speaking, this is a key difference between American and French friends—French friends are more likely to give an honest opinion rather than just agree with her.

Even though we live in the countryside, I value the convenience of being within one to two hours of destinations that offer completely different experiences. For instance, we once took a day trip to Switzerland, enjoying its distinct culture and scenery, and we could just as easily spend a day in the South of France, soaking in the Mediterranean charm. I love that France, despite being a relatively small country, offers such a rich variety of landscapes, history, and traditions. Whether it’s the hilly vineyards surrounding the sparkling Rhône River, the rugged coastlines of Brittany, or the bustling streets of Paris, the diversity within short distances allows for endless exploration and discovery.

One of my favorite activities is strolling through our local villages, capturing photos of the charming stone buildings, colorful flowers, climbing vines, and succulents. It’s a unique privilege to live in a place where a brief drive can transport you to an entirely different world. 

Despite the challenges, this past year in France has been an enriching journey of growth, discovery, and joy that I’m embracing with an open heart and hopeful mind for whatever lies ahead.